Sounds Real Though

By Andy Borowitz
Newsweek
Updated: 11:09 a.m. ET Nov. 1, 2005
Nov. 1, 2005 - "Commander in Chief" is one of the biggest hits of the fall TV season, but not with President George W. Bush, who today challenged its star, Geena Davis, to a nationally televised debate.

Davis, who plays the first female president of the United States in the series, has seen her ratings rise while Bush's approval ratings have plummeted, apparently drawing the ire of the actual president.

"The president is obsessed with Geena Davis," one White House aide said today. "The other day in a cabinet meeting he pounded his fist on the table and said, 'I'm not going to be outdone by a fake girl president.'"

The aide added, "It drives him nuts that she doesn't have problems like Scooter to deal with."

According to Bush's challenge, issued today, he and Davis would square off in three nationally televised debates on the subjects of economics, domestic policy and foreign policy.

"Her writers can write her a script, and mine will write me a script," the president said. "May the best script win."

But Davis appeared to decline the president's request today, issuing a statement through a network spokesman indicating that she could not participate because she has "important work to do."

Attempting to change her mind, Bush said today he was willing to debate the fictitious president on a complete range of fictitious issues, such as Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction.

Elsewhere, Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan said that he would step down in 2006, saying that he wanted to spend more time making indecipherable remarks to his family.

© 2005 Newsweek, Inc.